Being Dutiful to Our Parents

 

Being Dutiful to Our Parents

Arfad A. Razak

2 February 2025

 

For your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And honour your parents. If one or both of them reach old age in your care, never say to them ˹even˺ ‘ugh,’ nor yell at them. Rather, address them respectfully (Qur’an 17:23)

Worship Allah ˹alone˺ and associate none with Him. And be kind to parents, relatives, orphans, the poor, near and distant neighbours, close friends, ˹needy˺ travellers, and those ˹bondspeople˺ in your possession. Surely Allah does not like whoever is arrogant, boastful (Qur’an 4:36)

Narrated Abu Umamah: A man said, “Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) what rights can parents demand from their children?” He replied, “They are your Paradise and your Hell.” (Al-Tirmidhi – Hadith 1277)

Abu Huraira reported that a person said: Allah’s Messenger, who amongst the people is most deserving of my good treatment? He said: Your mother, again your mother, again your mother, then your father, then your nearest relatives according to the order (of nearness) (Sahih Muslim Book 32, Number 6180)

 

As Muslims, it is our duty to be dutiful to our parents, especially to our mothers. As the above hadiths from the prophet Muhammad (saw) mentions, one’s abode in the hereafter depends on how one treats their parents, especially their mothers. Anyone who mistreated their parents should cease doing so and reflect upon their actions. How can one mistreated their parents when they were once a tiny-leech-like creatures in the wombs of their mothers? Their mothers carried them for nine months until they were given birth. If it was not for the mercy of Allah, who first instil his mercy on the mothers, and secondly, from this, the mother – being merciful to her children (and even when they were still fetus) – took good care of it to ensure that it will be born healthy, all these are matters which should be pondered upon by the children. For a son or daughter to treat their parents unkindly – no matter what the circumstances are – is to degrade oneself regardless of one’s social status or standing in life.

Parents deserve, and must be treated with respect, kindness, and are always to be held in high regards. There are many out there whose parents are involved in drugs, alcoholism, and other negative matters. However, this does not give one the precedence to mistreat their parents. Parents must still be treated with respect if one believes in the book of Allah, and the messengers. This is even more so as Allah commanded and warns mankind not to even say “ugh” moreover yell at their parents. One should fear the punishment of Allah in this world as well as in the next life. To raise one’s voice at their parents is totally unacceptable – yet many of us falls into this especially at stressful times. We should exercise restrain and practice patience. May Allah the Al-Mighty grant us patience at the times of calamity (calamity here does not always means death).

The duty and responsibility of the children toward their parents are huge. The children should never abandon their parents in old age (or at any age in particular), lest the punishment of Allah will befall them in this life - and if not in this life - it is sure to come in the hereafter. Muslims should not follow the lifestyle of the non-Muslims whereby at the old age whereby they abandon their parents, either by putting them in the old folk’s home, or by not regularly visiting them. If one lives in another city or country, and they do not have the means to visit their parents regularly, one must call their parents on a daily basis to check up on them. It hurts the parents to see their children living distantly from them. And it should hurt the children more to live far from their parents – if one has Iman. If we enjoy all the goodness that Allah has offered us in this world to ourselves, and does not share this blessings with our parents, then realize that we are failing the test of Allah. We should immediately shower our parents with the wealth and shelter that Allah has given us so that the blessings of Allah will continue to be upon us.

Today, our society is plagued by western values. It has influenced our youth as well as the adults. Western values are thought of to be superior as the westerners portray themselves as civilized nationals of the world. However, as Muslims, our values should be taken from the Qur’an and the authentic teachings of the prophet Muhammad (saw). If one prefers western values, at the expense of the Qur’an and the Sunnah – one has to reflect in their life choices, unless they do not believe in the book of Allah and the messenger of God. The western values or practices that does not conform with Islam is as small as how we address or call our parents. Non-Muslims westerners call or addresses their parents by their first names. This is a total act of disrespect to our parents, as well as to our elders. Westerners also leave their parents as soon as they reach legal age. They would prefer to live with friends. This is also against the teachings of Islam whereby one should continue taking care of their parents, assisting them in their day-to-day activities, and just being there for them.

In conclusion, to abandon one’s parents, especially the son to his mother, is not within the teachings of Islam. It is a grave sin to leave one’s parents, or to not care for them. One should fear the punishment of Allah in this world and the next life. A question may be raised by readers as to what if they are not our biological parents? What if one was adopted into a family of drunkards and are abused on a daily basis? To this, we have to tackle the situation on a case-by-case basis, and it is not befitting to lay out the ground rules in an article like this. However, one should practice kindness and patience whenever possible. Allah does not allow us to treat others without kindness. However, it has also been permitted for us to act on self-defence within equal means. If one is adopted into a family that abuses them on a daily basis, one must find the means to leave the household immediately. And should always remember Allah. God will not place us a burden which is too big for us to overcome. Therefore, call out to Allah day and night. And Allah is all-hearing, all-knowing.